


Devil in a Dead Faint

by Antarctic_Echoes



Series: Luciferian Fics (One shots) [49]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Amenadiel and Dan like artsy films, Anxiety, Dad is a hopeless romantic, Deckerstar - Freeform, F/M, Humor, The Devil rests his eyes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 19:59:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16939734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Antarctic_Echoes/pseuds/Antarctic_Echoes
Summary: Lucifer proposes marriage to Chloe, but then finds himself saddled with a strange problem....One-shot, post-post S4 AU





	Devil in a Dead Faint

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Navaros](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Navaros/gifts), [Vendetta1897](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vendetta1897/gifts), [Bebec](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bebec/gifts), [titC](https://archiveofourown.org/users/titC/gifts), [AmyIsARealPhelps](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmyIsARealPhelps/gifts), [ScooterThyme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScooterThyme/gifts), [Sanoiro](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanoiro/gifts).



> A HUGE thank you to Navaros, Bebec, Vendetta1897, titC, ScooterThyme, and Amyisarealphelps for standing by me even after the muse ran off to parts unknown. Merry Christmas! <3
> 
> Also thank you to Navaros and Sanoiro, who gave me this wonderful prompt and enticed my muse back from her very long vacation. Let’s hope she sticks around!
> 
> Thank you ScooterThyme for beta-ing for me!
> 
> And a SUPER HUGE THANK YOU to all my wonderful readers out there. You are all totally awesome and your comments fill me with so much happiness! THANK YOU! I would gift this one to all of you if I could! This one’s for you! Merry Christmas! I hope all have a wonderful holiday season!
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer: Lucifer Morningstar, Chloe Decker, Amenadiel, Dan Espinosa, Trixie, Ella Lopez, Mazikeen and Linda Martin are owned by Vertigo Comics, DC Comics, Neil Gaiman, Mike Carey, and everyone else involved with the Lucifer TV show and comic books. I own nothing and make no money on this. I merely am borrowing the characters for... uh... writing practice.

 

 

 

“For crying out loud, Dan.....”

Chloe rolled her eyes as she waited for her ex-husband to stop laughing.  Bent over with his hands on his knees, Dan continued to guffaw as tears streamed down his cheeks.  Some of the other detectives in the precinct turned at the commotion, then shrugged and returned to their work.

Drumming her fingers on her desk, the blonde detective took a deep breath and tried to calm down.  This was a serious matter -- why didn’t he see that? “It’s not that funny.”

“Are you kidding me?”  Dan finally gasped as he straightened.  “I mean, come on, Chloe -- Lucifer Morningstar, suave, debonair nightclub owner, has a _fainting_ problem?”  He started giggling, then dissolved into more laughter.

Sighing, Chloe leaned back in her chair as she waited for him to get a hold of himself. Normally she would have found the idea of Lucifer fainting ludicrous -- he was the Devil, for goodness’ sake -- if she hadn’t seen it with her own eyes.

Her mind went back to the evening before.  After asking her to accompany him on a drive, Lucifer had taken her to the beach where they’d first kissed.  Although she had thought nothing of it -- she was used to her partner’s odd requests -- she was excited to spend some private time with him.  Their relationship had taken a rocky turn when she had discovered that he really was the Devil, but had gradually improved. After Lucifer put himself in the line of danger yet again to keep her safe, she finally realized that her feelings for him had never changed.  No matter who or what he was, he was still Lucifer to her -- and she loved him.

She knew it was foolish.  After all, he was an angel -- fallen, yes, but still a celestial being of one of the highest orders -- and she was just a mere mortal.  It had also become abundantly clear that, having been hurt by so many of his family members in the past, Lucifer would probably never be able to give his heart to anyone.  Nothing would ever come of their relationship... but that was okay. She still loved him, even if he couldn’t love her back.

So it came as a complete shock when he had taken her hand and gone down on one knee in the sand.  Chloe had gaped at him, not believing her eyes.

“We’ve gone through so much, Detective -- Chloe.”  He had cleared his throat then, his cheeks turning pink.  “I never thought I’d ever find... that is, I never believed....”  He closed his eyes and muttered, “Right. I can do this.” His eyes flew open then -- those dark, mysterious eyes that she could drown in -- and he took a deep breath.  “You are my heart. I cannot live without you. I know I’m asking much of you, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you said no because I _am_ the Devil, but... will you marry me?”

She had nearly fallen over from shock as he held out a huge diamond ring to her.  Words failed her as she gaped at him -- this was the last thing she had expected! But as she struggled to find her voice, his face spasmed in pain and he closed his fist around the ring.  He lumbered to his feet, mumbling, “I’m a bloody fool. I should have known you’d never....”

Horrified at what he was thinking, Chloe had hauled him close and hugged him for all she was worth, yelling “Yes!”  Grabbing his face between her hands, she pulled him down and kissed him over and over.

Slowly a look of wonder replaced the pained expression he wore, and his face lit up like the sun.  “Yes? You... you’ll marry me?”

She nodded fiercely.  “Yes. I love you!”

And that’s when the problem started... because as soon as the word “love” left her mouth, he promptly fainted.

At first she thought he was joking... but when she realized he had really passed out, her heart nearly stopped and panic rushed through her.  Was he sick? Leaning over his prone body, she touched his forehead. He seemed hotter than a human, but he was an angel -- did they normally run hot?  Her chest tight, she patted his cheek. “Come on, Lucifer -- wake up!” She was just about to call 9-1-1 when he opened his eyes.

“What happened?”

Dizzy with relief, Chloe sat back on her heels.  “You fainted.”

He snorted as he sat up and dusted off the front of his suit.  “Ridiculous. The Devil does not faint.”

“But you did.”  She chewed her lower lip as her stomach churned.  “We need to go to the hospital and have someone check you out.”

Lucifer tossed his head.  “Nonsense, I am perfectly fine.”

The detective’s eyes narrowed as she pursed her lips.  Why wasn’t he listening to her? “Lucifer, you are _not_ fine.  You were out cold.”

A disbelieving look crossed his face and he gave a little laugh.  “You must be mistaken. I am no Victorian miss with the vapors.” He flushed as he looked at her.  The pathetic mixture of fear and hope in his eyes tore at her heart. “Did I hear you right? Did you say you’d marry me?”

She gave him a big, reassuring hug.  “Yes. I love you so much, Lucifer --”

 _THUNK._  He fainted dead away again.

For the rest of the evening, Chloe had tried to get him to see a doctor, but he steadfastly refused.  After three more incidents of Lucifer collapsing at her feet, she began to avoid using the word “love.”  It seemed to be a strange trigger for him. At least they had managed to talk about the wedding, but it hadn’t been without a few close calls.

“So any time Lucifer hears the word ‘love,’ he faints?”

Dan’s amused voice pulled Chloe back to the present.  Nodding, she rose from her chair to stand next to her ex-husband.  “I’m worried about him. I thought maybe you could help him, since you two are friends again.”

“Yeah, God knows why.”  He grimaced. “I mean, I wrongly blamed him for Charlotte’s death.  He should hate me --”

“Lucifer doesn’t hold that against you,” she interrupted.  No, her partner had never gotten angry over Dan’s misplaced blame, instead heaping guilt upon his own head for their friend’s death.  It had taken Chloe months to get him out of his own self-loathing.

“He should.”  Dan heaved a sigh, then looked at her with skepticism.  “Are you sure he has a problem? I mean, maybe he was just feeling under the weather --”

“Detective!”  Lucifer’s happy voice cut through the air.  Both Chloe and Dan turned to see the tall man striding through the precinct toward them.  “And Daniel. Just the person I wished to see.”

“Yeah?”  The dark-haired detective exchanged glances with his ex-wife, then looked at the tall consultant.  “What’s up?”

Lucifer thrust his chest out so far that Chloe was afraid that he would fall forward.  “I have asked for the Detective’s hand in marriage, and she has kindly consented.” When he turned to his partner, his face softened and his eyes grew warm.  “She has made me the happiest Devil in the entire universe.”

Turning pink at the fallen angel’s expression, she reached out and gave his hand a squeeze. When she let go, he held onto her fingers for a fraction longer, running his thumb over the back of her hand, before releasing her.  The little loving gesture sent butterflies winging inside Chloe’s stomach.

Dan grinned.  “Chloe told me.  Congratulations, man.”

“Thank you, Daniel.  I know we’ve had our differences, but I hope you would do me the honor of being my best man.”

The detective’s eyes widened as he gaped at his friend.  “What? I mean, sure, I’d love to, but --” He broke off, then shot a puzzled glance at Chloe.

She waited for her partner to crumple to the floor, but he didn’t.  Baffled, she gave an almost imperceptible shake of her head to Dan, signalling her confusion.  Thank goodness he hadn’t fainted, but... why hadn’t he? Had she been mistaken about the L-word?

As Lucifer’s brows furrowed at the sudden silence, Dan scrambled to recover.  “I mean... wouldn’t you want Amenadiel to be your best man? He’s your brother, after all.”

“That’s not an option.”  The fallen angel made a sound of disgust.  “My brother has taken on airs ever since his wings grew back and he flew home to see Dad.”

The dark-haired detective squinted at him.  “You say the weirdest things, man.”

“Okay!”  Chloe let out a high-pitched laugh and took Lucifer’s arm.  “Why don’t you tell Dan when we’re getting married?”

The fallen angel blushed at her touch.  Straightening, he beamed at the other man.  “We’re planning on getting married on Saturday.”

“Saturday?  You mean day after tomorrow?”  Dan did a double-take. “Whoa, that’s fast.”

“Yes, well... after Cain -- I mean, Pierce.... Well, I just don’t want the Detective to get away.”  Wrapping an arm around Chloe’s shoulders, the fallen angel gave her a dazzling smile so full of love that she felt lightheaded.

Heat rushed to her cheeks as her heart fluttered in her chest.  She just couldn’t believe this sweet Devil had actually proposed to her!  Smiling back, she gave him a quick hug and looked up at him warmly. “You have nothing to worry about.  I’m not going anywhere.”

Lucifer’s face became bright red and his eyes filled with passion as he stared down at her.  For a moment time stopped, and Chloe felt that they were the only ones left in the world.

The sound of Dan clearing his throat had them breaking apart.

“Ah... yes.  Right.” The fallen angel took a step back and returned his attention to the other man.  “We thought a small ceremony on the beach would be nice -- you and Amenadiel can be our groomsmen and Doctor Linda, Maze and Ms. Lopez our bridesmaids.”

“Sounds awesome.  But what about Trixie?”

Chloe smiled at her fiance.  “Oh, I’d love Trixie to be the flower --”

_THUNK._

“Holy crap!” Dan cried as Lucifer crumpled onto the floor.  “What the hell happened?”

Cursing herself inwardly, Chloe grimaced as she knelt by her partner.  “He seemed okay -- I thought maybe he was over his fainting spells.” Leaning over him, she patted his cheek gently.  “Lucifer, can you hear me?”

After a few long, tense seconds, the fallen angel finally opened his eyes and a goofy smile lit his face.  “Hello, love. What a fine way to wake up in the morning.” Then his brows drew down and his eyes flew from Chloe to Dan.  “Bloody hell, why are _you_ here?”

“I work here.”  A smirk touched Dan’s lips.  “I never would have believed it.  Lucifer Morningstar in a dead faint!”

A horrified expression crossed the fallen angel’s face as he sat up.  “I did _not_ faint.  The Devil does not faint.”

“Dude, you were totally out like a light.”

“Nonsense.”  Lucifer brushed a piece of lint off his suit.  “I was merely resting my eyes.”

Dan let out a disbelieving snort.  “Resting your eyes doesn’t leave you crumpled on the floor like a wet rag.”

Lucifer’s mouth fell open.  “I beg your pardon! I was not a wet rag!”  Clearing his throat, he lifted his chin and turned his head away as his voice dropped to a mumble. “I was merely resting my body as well as my eyes.  Consulting is hard work.”

Chloe wanted to hit Dan for working her partner into an agitated state, but instead she just took a deep breath and counted to ten.  Dan was a good guy, but sometimes he could be an ass. Turning her attention to Lucifer, she rubbed his back. “Are you okay?”

He sulked as he got to his feet and helped her to hers. “I’m fine, Detective.”  With a scowl in Dan’s direction, he repeated forcefully, “I was merely _resting my eyes.”_

The other man snickered.

The urge to strangle her ex-husband grew.  Chloe rolled her eyes and counted to twenty.  Right now she was worried about her fiance, and she did not need Dan giving him a hard time.  After shooting her best Mom Look at the other detective, she started guiding Lucifer toward the forensics lab.  “You know, Ella is working on the Swinerton toxicology report. Can you do me a big favor and find out if it’s done?”

The fallen angel grinned.  “Of course, love. Leave it to me!”

Once Lucifer was out of earshot, Chloe rounded on her ex.  “What the hell, Dan!”

“Oh come on, you know that was too good to resist.  I mean, Lucifer Morningstar passed out on the floor?”

“Seriously?!  You’re going to be his best man -- you’re supposed to help him!”

Dan’s shoulders immediately hunched as a guilty look crossed his face. “Oh yeah.  Oops.”

“‘Oops’ is right.”  Glancing in the direction of Ella’s lab, she caught sight of her fiance striding back.  “Listen, this fainting thing isn’t normal, but Lucifer refuses to go to a doctor. I need to get some advice.”

“You going to ask Amenadiel?  Are you sure that’s wise?”

Her eyes still on her fiance, Chloe shook her head.  “Asking Amenadiel anything would be trouble. I don’t want them getting into a fight right before the wedding.”  She turned to Dan. “Linda might be able to help, though. Can you keep Lucifer out of trouble for a few hours?”

He straightened and gave a nod of his head.  “I can do that.”

Lucifer walked up and handed a file to Chloe with a flourish.  “There you are, milady. Ms. Lopez said that the victim’s blood showed high levels of alcohol and Oxycodone.  She believes he committed suicide.”

“Thanks.”  Taking the report, she leafed through it, even though nothing registered as she fretted over her partner’s health.

“Is everything all right, Detective?  You have that look you get when you’re working on a particularly nasty problem.  Hasn’t this closed the case?”

“Huh?”  She blinked at him, then gave herself a hard shake.  “Uh, yeah. It did. Look, I’m going to be busy with a mountain of paperwork.  Why don’t you and Dan go out and talk about best man stuff?”

Lucifer’s brows drew together.  “But --”

Dan stepped in and took his arm.  “Yeah, let’s go celebrate your upcoming nuptials!”

As the dark-haired detective started to tug him away, the fallen angel glanced back at Chloe with a mopey look on his face.  “But I want to stay with you.”

Her heart squeezed, but she resisted the urge to hug the stuffing out of him.  Instead she gave him a warm smile. “I know, and it’s wonderful having you with me, but we don’t have a lot of time to prepare.  You still need to contact your brother and the wedding officiant.”

“I can help you with that,” Dan chimed in.  “And as an added bonus, I can tell you all about what _not_ to do in order to stay in your fiancee’s good graces... like watching a Weaponizer marathon when she needs your help....”

Chloe watched the two men until they were out of sight, then grabbed her purse.  It was time to get some much-needed help.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

“I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”  Linda adjusted her glasses, then folded her hands on her desk.

“Are you sure?”  Leaning forward on the couch, Chloe eyed the psychologist sitting calmly across from her.  “He’s fainting every time I say ‘love.’ Every single damn time! But not when other people say it -- just me.  That can’t be normal.”

“No, but it’s understandable.  Lucifer may appear unflappable with his humor and sexual remarks, but underneath that devil-may-care attitude, he’s very sensitive.  He’s taken a huge leap forward by proposing to you. I’m actually quite surprised he finally took the plunge. I’ve been working on him for months!”

“Months?”  The detective gave her a dubious look.  “He’s never shown anything....”

“Didn’t he recently take a bullet for you and almost get himself killed?”

“He did.”  Her eyes fell to her lap as she remembered the heart-clenching fear she felt when she had thought he was going to die.  It was then she realized that she wanted him in her life forever, and was why she agreed to marry him when he had popped the question.  She loved him, plain and simple, and didn’t want to lose him. Chewing her lower lip, she tried to control the churning in her stomach. “But what if he thinks he’s made a mistake?”

Linda shook her head.  “He doesn’t -- believe me.”

“But maybe that’s why he’s fainting....”

Sighing, the psychologist rose from her seat and went to sit next to Chloe.  Taking the detective’s hand, she gave it a squeeze. “Look, I know things have been rocky.  When you found out he was the Devil, he nearly went insane. He was convinced you hated him.  It took a lot of therapy to get him out of that dark place.”

“I know.  Things weren’t good right after....”  Chloe swallowed hard. “But we worked it out.  It took a long time, but we did.”

“And look how far you’ve come... how far _he’s_ come.  Remember that he’s been vilified for a very long time.  He was thrown out of Heaven, and spent eons in Hell. He has major trust issues and is convinced he’s not worthy of love -- and yet he’s trusting you with his heart.  That’s huge. It’s no wonder he’s anxious -- and maybe a little overexcited.”

“But....”

The psychologist gave her hand another squeeze.  “He’s been in love with you for years, Chloe. I’ve seen that man die for you.”

Chloe’s mouth fell open as the bottom dropped out of her stomach.  “What do you mean?”

“He didn’t tell you?”  The other woman groaned.  “It figures....”

“Linda --”

She sighed heavily.  “Remember when you were poisoned?  The only person who had the antidote was Doctor Carlisle, who was dead.”

“Yes, but somehow Lucifer got the anti... dote....”  Chloe’s voice trailed off as she remembered Lucifer’s words when she had woken up in the hospital.

_Well... look who’s back.  You didn’t die after all. That makes one of us._

She had thought he’d been joking, but....  “Wait... what are you saying?”

“He went to Hell for you.”

“He what?”  Her heart skipped a beat as the blood drained from her face.

Linda rubbed her forehead.  “He had to die to go to Hell, so... well, we... devised a way for him to die.”

Chloe gaped at her.  “What?!”

“He literally died for you.  He almost didn’t come back.”

Trying to swallow that piece of information, the detective cradled her head in her hands.  “Oh my god.... Why didn’t he tell me?”

Linda grimaced.  “He probably didn’t want it to influence your decision in any way.  Lucifer’s like that. He cares for you deeply -- deeper than he’s cared for anyone else.  He was a wreck when you fell into that relationship with Pierce -- Cain. It nearly destroyed him.”

“Oh no....”  Her head spinning with all the new information, Chloe could hardly think straight.  She remembered what a wreck Lucifer had been. She’d had no idea her partner’s feelings ran so deep.

“But luckily that ended.”  Linda leaned forward and gave her an intent look.  “He loves you, heart and soul. He knows what he’s doing.  Trust him.”

Chloe took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  She could hardly believe that he had gone to Hell for her!  A part of her was furious that he had put himself in danger like that, while the other part of her wanted to grab a hold of him and never let go.  She finally found her voice. “I trust him. I’m just... worried about him, you know?”

The other woman gave her a reassuring smile.  “I know.”

“But what if....”  The detective pursed her lips.

“Yes?”

“What if... what if the fainting doesn’t stop?”

Linda let out a chuckle.  “Don’t worry, once he realizes you’re in for the long haul, I’m sure the anxiety attacks will stop.”  Tapping her chin, she thought a moment. “Probably after you say your vows.... I’d say by then he’d finally believe that you love him as much as he loves you, and that you’re not going anywhere.”

“Okay.”  The tightness in Chloe’s chest started to loosen.  “So I’ll just avoid saying ‘love’ until the wedding.”

“And give him a lot of reassurance.  That should help.”

“Thanks.”

Linda’s eyes sparkled.  “Are you going to have a bachelorette party?”

Laughter burst from Chloe.  “After the fiasco last time?  Absolutely not. Ella’s going to be the maid of honor because she lives for those things, but she feels really bad about how the last one turned out, so no party.  Besides, I only have one day to get ready. We’ll see you Saturday?”

Her friend grinned.  “Wouldn’t miss it for the world!”

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

Chloe called Lucifer that night after finishing her mountain of paperwork.  Dan had texted that her fiance was doing well, so she figured it would be safe enough to meet up with him for dinner.  Her ex had volunteered to take care of Trixie for the night, so she headed over to the penthouse. After finding out how deeply the fallen angel felt about her, her stomach flip-flopped and warmth filled her insides at the thought of being alone with him.

When she stepped out of the elevator, the delicious aroma of grilled steaks hit her nose.  Hearing the sound of clattering dishes, she headed to the kitchen where she found Lucifer busy cooking over the stove.  Sneaking up behind him, she wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed herself against his back.

“Mmmm, something smells delicious.”

His face lit up as he turned to her and he beamed.  “What a wonderful way to be greeted! Welcome home.”

 _Home._  it sounded so good coming from his lips.  Smiling, she peered around him. “What are you making?”

“Filet mignon, garlic parmesan roasted asparagus, and galette de pomme de terre.”

“That sounds fancy.”  Lifting her eyebrows, she watched as he took a cast iron skillet out of the oven and inverted its contents onto a plate.  “So what exactly is a gal... galette de... de...?”

“Galette de pomme de terre.”  His eyes twinkled. “Potato cake.”

“Ah.”  Chuckling, she helped him bring the food to the balcony table, where he had lit some candles.  It was a beautiful night, so reminiscent of when she’d had a burger and fries with him years ago.  That had been their first real meal together. A smile curved her lips.

Lucifer helped her into her chair.  “You look happy.”

“I _am_ happy.”  Before he could move away, Chloe took a hold of his hand and squeezed.  “Thank you. This is all so lovely --”

_THUNK._

“Lucifer!”  Her heart in her mouth, she leaped out of her chair and knelt by his side.  Crouching over the fallen angel, she patted his cheek. “I didn’t say love, I said lovely -- _lovely!_  Please wake up!”

After a tense minute, he opened his eyes and blinked at her.  “Why am I on the floor?”

She helped him sit up.  “You fainted again.”

“Nonsense.  I must have slipped.”  His brows furrowed. “How odd -- I don’t remember slipping....”  A look of horror crossed his face. “Bloody hell, do I have narcolepsy?!”

“What?!”  Chloe shook her head.  “No! You don’t have --”

“But I must!  What else could it be?”  He cradled his head in his hands.  “My reputation’s ruined! No one’s ever heard of a narcoleptic Devil!”

Her chest tightened at his growing agitation.  Would he start passing out more? Laying a hand on his back, she rubbed soothingly and hoped she could calm him down.  “It’s not narcolepsy.”

“Of course it is! What else could it be?”  Lucifer fell silent as he chewed his lower lip.  Then his eyes widened and he gaped at her. “Why that interfering sod -- he’s still trying to ruin my life!”

Struggling to keep up with his train of thought, she squinted at him. “Who are you talking about?”

“ _Dad!”_  He stood up and shook his fist at the sky.  “You bloody arse, I know you’re behind this!”

Oh god.  Scrambling to her feet, Chloe grabbed his waving arm and lowered it to his side.  The last thing she needed was God to smite her fiance. “It’s not that.”

His eyes wild, he glared at her.  “It has to be! That overbearing prick has been interfering in my life since the beginning of time.  I wouldn’t put it past him to try to ruin everything, now that I’m finally happy!”

Chloe’s face grew hot at his exclamation.  It was one thing to hear from Linda how he felt, but to actually hear the words....  “You’re happy?”

Lucifer paused in his rant and looked down at her.  His angry expression eased and his eyes gentled as he gazed at her face.  “Of course I’m happy. How can I not be with you by my side?”

A warm glow lit up her insides, and before she could stop herself, she hugged him.  “I can’t wait for Saturday to come.”

_THUNK._

Sighing, she sat down on the tile floor beside him.  She hadn’t even said any ‘love’ words this time! The fainting was indeed getting worse.  Now it was a reference to the wedding that was causing him anxiety. Was Linda wrong? Maybe he really didn’t want to marry her....

But no, he had said he was happy, and she believed that.  So it must have been insecurity, although he didn’t show it outwardly.  Frowning, she thought about her earlier meeting with Linda. The psychologist had said his condition stemmed from anxiety, because he didn’t really believe that Chloe could love him -- but it seemed to the detective that the more she was with him, the more anxious he got.  He had fainted so many times already....

Lucifer stirred beside her.  Leaning over him, she stroked his stubbly cheek.  “Hey.”

His eyes had a dazed look at he gazed at her.  Then he grimaced. “Bloody hell, it happened again, didn’t it?”

She helped him sit up.  “I’m really worried.”

He dusted off his suit.  “There’s nothing to worry about, my dear. Just an anomaly, I’m sure.”

Chloe gave him her best Mom Look.  “This is not an anomaly, Lucifer. You’ve fainted several times today.”

Squirming under her gaze, he looked everywhere but at her.  “Three times can hardly be categorized as ‘several.’ And it is _not_ fainting. I’m just resting.”

She rolled her eyes.  “Whatever. Look, you could get hurt if you keep fainting like this --”

“I am _not fainting!_  I’m sure it must be Dad --”

“You’re _fainting.”_  She sighed.  “I talked to Linda today. She says it’s anxiety --”

“Anxiety?”  Laughter burst from him as he gave her an incredulous look.  “Me?! I’m the Devil, love -- I don’t do anxiety.”

“Look, it makes sense.  You’re sensitive. I get that.  I’m sure once you truly believe I love you, you’ll --”

_THUNK._

Groaning, she rubbed her forehead and waited for him to wake up.  Once he opened his eyes and pulled himself back into a sitting position, she tried again.  “Lucifer, if you just take some deep breaths, we can deal with the anxiety.”

“It’s _not_ anxiety.  I would know if it’s anxiety.”  Scowling, he lifted his chin. “It’s bloody Dad.  Period.”

Chloe rolled her eyes again, wondering why she had fallen in love with such a stubborn Devil.  Frowning, she studied him, then made up her mind. “Lucifer, you know that I trust you, right?”

The fallen angel blinked in surprise.  “Of course.”

“Do you trust me?”

His brows drew down as he frowned at her.  “With my life. Why are you asking me this?”

She took a deep breath.  “I think we shouldn’t see each other until the wedding ceremony.”

Lucifer’s mouth dropped open and he recoiled from her.  “What?! Nay! What are you saying?!”

“If you don’t want to deal with your anxiety --”

“It’s not anxiety!”

“--then we have to deal with the fainting another way.  And it’s just one day --”

“You’ve changed your mind, haven’t you?”  His voice rose in volume and pitch. “You think I’m --  You don’t want to --”

Seeing the growing wildness in his eyes, she cupped his cheeks and forced him to look at her.  “Lucifer, I love you.”

_THUNK._

His reaction only reinforced her decision. When he roused, she said, “Listen to me.  I don’t want you hurt.”

Frowning, he sat up.  “I’m immortal --”

“Not when I’m around, and I can’t have anything happen to you.  At this rate you’re going to wind up in the hospital.”

“I won’t --”

“You will.”

The fallen angel crossed his arms in front of him like a petulant boy and huffed.  “I will _not.”_

He was worse than Trixie when she was being obstinate.  Sighing, she reached out and caressed the side of his face.  “Trust me, Lucifer -- I will be there on Saturday. You have nothing to fear.  But I will never forgive myself if something happens to you.”

The harsh lines on his face softened, and he gazed at her with a tender expression.  “Nothing will happen to me, Detective... Chloe.”

She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.  “I know, but humor me.”

For what felt like an eternity he said nothing as he stared at the black balcony tiles.  Finally he glowered and nodded. “Very well.”

Giving him a gentle smile, she kissed him again softly on the lips.  “Thank you.”

As she helped him to his feet, he grumbled, “But I do believe you’re making a mistake.  I’m positive this is Dad’s doing.”

Chuckling, she wrapped her arms around him and laid her head upon his chest, content to listen to the comforting beat of his heart.  Although she longed to tell him how much she loved him, she couldn’t bring herself to say the words and have him collapse once again.  She just hoped that he could feel the strength of her emotions in her embrace. “It’s one day, Lucifer. It’ll go by quickly.”

He let out a disgruntled snort as his arms tightened around her.  “It better.”

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

Lucifer _hated_ his father.

He was positive that dear old Dad was to blame for his sudden bout of narcolepsy, because he was positive it was _not_ anxiety.  Who ever heard of an anxious Devil?  He was always under control. It was true that the thought of Chloe not loving him sucked the air right out of his lungs and made him terribly nauseated, and yes, it also sent his heart rate skyrocketing and left him lightheaded, but that wasn’t anxiety.  Oh no. That was bloody Dad, toying with him.

And here it was, the day before his wedding, and he was forced to be separated from his heart’s desire, all because of _him._  He should have been solving cases with Chloe, or at least by her side, but instead he was stuck at the penthouse without her.  Even if she thought the separation was for his own good, he knew what was best for him, and that was being with her. He loved sneaking peeks at her when she wasn’t looking -- she was adorable when she chewed her pen as she studied her paperwork.

Lucifer still found it unbelievable that Chloe loved him.  No one ever had -- not really. Mum and Dad certainly didn’t.  Well, for a while he thought Mum had, but he had been wrong. True, they had made their peace when he sent her off into the void to make her own universe, but it wasn’t the same.  And his siblings... well, they never really cared. The only one who had shown any true remorse at his banishment had been Azrael, but she hadn’t ever visited him... and she could have.  But she hadn’t.

And who could love him, anyway?  He was the Devil -- hideous, monstrous... and a murderer.  Not only had he killed his own brother, Uriel, he had also killed Pierce.  Even though the prick had deserved it, he knew it had been wrong. Dad had made one strict rule: do not mess with the natives -- but he had... and Chloe had been there for the aftermath.

That had been the start of a downward spiral that he had feared would never end. The Detective had seen his true self when he was the least prepared for it -- he hadn’t even known his Devil face had returned -- and the horror in her eyes had been unmistakable.  A part of Lucifer had died at her expression.

The next few months had been awkward, uncomfortable... torture.  He knew she would never feel anything but loathing for him. She would never be able to unsee his Devil face... and he would be alone for all eternity, as he had always known he would be.  There was no other outcome for him. He didn’t deserve happiness.

And yet, somehow, things got... better.  Chloe continued to have him as her partner, in spite of all that had occurred.  He tried to help her as much as he could, and she slowly began to treat him like... well, like before.  When she finally invited him inside the apartment one night for a drink, his heart had nearly burst from all the feelings welling inside of him.  That she would invite him inside despite what he was -- what she knew him to be -- meant so much to the fallen angel that he almost broke down and wept right on her doorstep.  Of course weeping at such a small gesture would have been unseemly, so he had pulled himself together and accepted. Although all they did was drink coffee and talk about the latest movies, it had been one of the best nights of Lucifer’s very long life.

After that, things improved quickly.  As they solved cases, his feelings grew stronger and stronger, until he hardly knew what to do with himself.  He wanted to shower her with presents, stay with her every moment of the day, and be the person she so rightly deserved.  Why, he even offered to take care of her spawn a few times -- completely unheard of for him! And even though he constantly made blunders and missteps with her, Chloe still treated him kindly.  When he took a bullet for her, she had cried all over him, then kissed him in the hospital -- and that was when he knew he wanted to have her by his side for the rest of eternity.

Never before had marriage entered Lucifer’s head until that moment.  He was the Devil, after all -- who would want to be with him? And yet the idea grabbed a hold of him and wouldn’t let go.  As his relationship continued to grow with Chloe, he found himself caught between his heart’s desire and the overwhelming fear that she would reject him.  He was trapped in an impasse of his own making, unable to move forward.

Luckily, Doctor Linda finally gave him the shove he needed.  Gathering his courage, he proposed. It had been terrifying and exciting all at once... and when she had said yes...!  He still couldn’t believe it, even though Dad ruined his jam with the narcolepsy.

 _He_ couldn’t stop Lucifer’s plans, though.  The fallen angel reserved the beach, got a wedding officiant from the county registrar’s office for the wedding, then ordered a gown for Chloe from France.  She had mentioned that she’d always wanted white lace -- she couldn’t afford a beautiful dress when she had married Daniel -- so he was determined to make it happen.  Everything was going according to plan. If he could have been with Chloe, things would have been perfect!

Except it wasn’t perfect.  Not only was he separated from his fiancee, all his best-laid plans began to unravel.

First came a call from wedding officiant -- he would not be able to make it to the ceremony due to a minor accident he had been involved in, and he didn’t know of anyone who could take his place.  Before Lucifer could think of what to do, another call came in, this time from the City of Malibu. There had been a massive sewage leak and all the beaches were shut down for the weekend. When the fallen angel called the courthouse to see if they could have a wedding there, they told him no -- they were closed on Saturday.  His insides churning, he started calling every single wedding officiant available for the next day -- only to find them all booked.

“Bloody hell!”  He slammed his phone down onto the bar counter and poured himself a drink.  “This has dear old Dad’s fingerprints all over it.”

Having arrived a half hour earlier, Amenadiel snorted from the couch.  “Did you really think Father would let Chloe be married anywhere but in a church?  You know she’s special to him.”

Lucifer glared at his brother.  “Where I marry the Detective is none of his business.”

“Father just wants what’s best for both of you.”

The glass shattered in the fallen angel’s hand.  Swearing under his breath, he wiped up the glass shards and spilled whiskey with a bar towel, then snarled over his shoulder.  “I don’t care what the arrogant bastard wants! I’ll drive the Detective to Las Vegas if I have to, but we _will_ get married, and it won’t be in a bloody church!”

Amenadiel snickered.  “What do you want to bet that your car won’t start tomorrow?”

Lucifer glared at his brother.  “Just what are you doing here, anyway?”

“Dan asked me to meet him here.”

He blinked.  “Daniel? But why --”

Just then the elevator dinged and the subject of their conversation stepped into the penthouse with a couple of grocery bags in his hands.    “Sorry I’m late, guys, but I had to stop for some snacks.”

Lucifer lifted an eyebrow at the man as he set his bags on the bar counter.  “What the me are you doing here?”

Dan faltered, and the smile fell from his lips.  “Didn’t Chloe tell you? She wanted me to keep an eye on you in case you pass out again.”

“Pass out?”  Amenadiel frowned at his fallen brother as he walked over.  “Luci, you didn’t tell me you were having problems.”

Lucifer’s cheeks grew hot.  It was wonderful that his Detective was worried about him, but did the Douche have to tell the world about his narcolepsy problem?  Cursing the man’s loose tongue, the fallen angel let out a strained laugh. “It’s nothing, Brother.”

“But if you’re passing out --”

“I didn’t pass out.”  He glared at the burly angel.  “I was merely _resting my eyes.”_  Digging into one of the bags, the Devil pulled out some DVDs and furrowed his brows. “What’s all this?”

The detective rubbed his hands together as he grinned at the two celestial beings.  “Movie marathon! And look, I brought snacks.” He dumped the second bag onto the counter.  Packages of pudding, Oreo cookies, Pop-Tarts and cool ranch puffs spilled out.

Lucifer’s eyes lit up at the sea of snacks.  He snatched up the Oreos -- cinnamon bun flavored! -- and ripped open the package.  Grabbing a handful, he stuffed them into his mouth, then picked up one of the DVDs and peered at the title.

“‘Baa Baa Land’?”  Cookie dust flew everywhere as he spoke.  “You brought a movie about _sheep?!”_

“For crying out loud, don’t talk with your mouth full.”  Amenadiel thrust a napkin at his brother, then turned to the detective with a smile.  “I like that movie.”

“It’s the best, right?  Eight blissful hours of watching sheep in a pasture.”

Lucifer stared at Dan, aghast.  “Surely you jest...?”

Nope.”  He beamed.  “It’s really great.  You’ll love it. Oh, and after that we can watch ‘Empire.’  It’s an artistic masterpiece that’ll blow your mind.”

The Devil perked up.  “‘Empire’? The gangster movie with John Leguizamo?”  He was all for some guns and violence. It was far better than watching sheep for eight hours.

Dan shook his head. “No, man.  Wrong movie. This is Andy Warhol’s ‘Empire.’”

The fallen angel furrowed his brows.  “Andy Warhol’s ‘Empire’? You mean it’s about Andy Warhol’s art?”

“It _is_ Andy Warhol’s art.  It’s about the Empire State Building.”

He frowned.  “Who does it star?”

Dan blinked.  “I just said -- the Empire State Building.”

Lucifer waited for him to say something more, but when he didn’t, he prompted, “And?”

“And what?”

He rolled his eyes as a terrible urge to wrap his fingers around Dan’s neck washed over him.  “Who else does it star? What is it about -- a heist? Bruce Willis trying to stop terrorists?  What?”

The detective chuckled.  “It’s just the Empire State Building.  That’s it. Cool, right?”

The Devil’s mouth fell open.  “But... doesn’t anything _happen?”_

“No, man.  That’s the beauty of it.”

Amenadiel broke into a grin.  “Oh, I can’t wait. It’s going to be wonderful.”

As the burly angel and the detective started babbling excitedly to each other about the eight hour silent film that was apparently just a shot of the Empire State Building from sunset until three in the morning, Lucifer rubbed his forehead.  He wanted to be anywhere else in the universe except here for the next twenty or so hours. Didn’t either of them realize how absolutely boring those films were? In order to keep his brain from exploding, he stuffed more cookies into his mouth.  Sugar always made everything better.

Dan suddenly tapped his arm.   “I heard about the sewage spill on the news.  What are you going to do?”

“We’ll get married.”  He spit out more cookie dust until he finally poured himself a new tumbler of whiskey and downed it.  “I’m not quite sure where yet, but we’ll find something.”

“Luci’s having trouble finding a place and an officiant.”  Amenadiel smirked. “But I’m sure our father would want him to get married in a church.”

The fallen angel glared at his brother. “We are _not_ getting married in a church.”

Dan’s face lit up.  “Why not? It’s a great idea! I don’t know why you wouldn’t want that in the first place --”

Lucifer flung his hands out and shouted at the ceiling.  “Because I’m the bloody Devil!”

Sighing, the detective rubbed his forehead.  “Look, man, I don’t know what your childhood was like, but you gotta stop thinking like that.  Besides, this is something that would make Chloe happy.”

All of the Devil’s indignation fizzled to nothing at that.  “I beg your pardon?”

Dan reached for the whiskey decanter and poured himself a drink.  “Chloe’s always wanted a big wedding -- the white dress, the church full of flowers, the whole shebang.  But when we got married she was already pregnant with Trixie, and it became kind of a rushed thing. We got married at the courthouse.”  Grimacing, he stared at the glass in his hand, then gulped down the shot of alcohol. “I always regretted that.”

Amenadiel clasped him on the shoulder, then turned to his brother.  “I think you should get married in a church. Give Chloe her dream.”

Lucifer’s insides shriveled at the thought of going into a church, especially for his own wedding, but....  His mind recalled how Chloe’s face had lit up when he told her he had ordered a white gown in French lace for her.  Even now the mere memory of it warmed his heart. He would do anything to see her look at him that way again... but a _church_ wedding?  Where manipulative Dad with his all-seeing Sauron eye could look down upon them and laugh?

As he hesitated, Dan said, “You’d be her hero.”

_Her hero?_

Lucifer’s breath grew short as he imagined Chloe running up to him, flinging herself into his arms, and telling him that he was her hero.  His heart pounded in his chest and suddenly he couldn’t think straight, couldn’t breathe, and the world was spinning....

The next thing he knew, he was on his back on the floor, staring up at the ceiling as Dan and Amenadiel’s concerned faces peered down at him.

“Luci, are you all right?”

“Dude, you gave us a scare.”

Pushing them away, the fallen angel scrambled to his feet and dusted himself off.  “I’m fine.”

His brother shook his head.  “You’re not fine. You collapsed --”

“I did _not_ collapse.”  Heat rushed into Lucifer’s cheeks, but he lifted his chin and dared his brother to contradict him.  “I was merely resting my eyes.”

Amenadiel lifted an eyebrow.  “Resting. Now. On the floor.”

“Exactly.”  Clearing his throat, the fallen angel adjusted his cuffs.  “Now what were we saying?”

Dan exchanged a glance with Amenadiel, then looked at the Devil.  “We were talking about a venue for the wedding.”

He scowled.  “A church wedding, you said?”

The detective bit his lower lip.  “Um... yeah. You know, for Chloe...?”

Lucifer’s cheeks grew pink.   _Chloe._  That was right.  Although she hadn’t said anything to him -- no doubt because of who he was -- she had wanted a church wedding.  And he’d do anything for her.

“Right.  Well... where are we going to find a church willing to marry us tomorrow?”

Dan’s face lit up.  “I’ll phone Father Dominic -- we’ve been part of his parish since forever.  I’m sure he can squeeze us in, since it’s not a big ceremony....” Fishing out the phone from his pocket, he wandered away from the brothers to make his call.

Lucifer glared at Amenadiel.  “I’m doing this under protest, just so you know.  I still resent Dad trying to manipulate me.”

The angel sighed.  “Will you quit thinking about yourself for once?  Hasn’t it occurred to you that maybe Father wasn’t messing with your wedding plans because of you, but because he wanted to make Chloe happy?”

The Devil frowned.  He hadn’t looked at it like that.  Somehow it sat better with him knowing that Dad was doing things for Chloe, rather than interfering with his life... although he still considered this interfering.

Grunting, he poured himself another drink.  “I still resent his machinations.”

“Hey guys, good news!” Dan came rushing back, his face wreathed with smiles.  “Father Dominic had a cancellation for tomorrow -- he can perform the ceremony at noon!  And since the flowers for the cancelled ceremony have already been delivered and can’t be taken back, the church is already decorated!”

“That’s great!” Amenadiel beamed at the other man, then clasped his brother on the shoulder.  “Isn’t that great, Luci?”

The fallen angel glowered at the two men, still feeling manipulated, despite it being for a good cause.  “Lovely.”

“Then we’re set!”  Dan rubbed his hands together like an excited little boy.  “Okay, then let’s get started! We’ll watch ‘Washing Machine: The Feature Film’ first.  It’ll blow you guys away!”

Amenadiel brightened. “Oh is this the one about the washing machine?”

“On spin cycle for seventy minutes.  It’s awesome!”

Lucifer felt his insides grow cold.  Seventy minutes watching a washing machine run?  It sounded like absolute torture! “Can’t we watch ‘Gigli’ or ‘Sex LIves of the Potato Men’ instead?”  He looked at them with pleading eyes. “Maybe even ‘Flesh Gordon’?”

Dan gave him an incredulous look.  “Dude, before your wedding?! No way!  Besides, those movies are garbage. This is high art!”

The fallen angel snorted.  “No, this is very much like watching bloody paint dry on the wall.”

Amenadiel broke into a wide grin.  “Oh, ‘Paint Drying’! Have you seen it?  It’s excellent!”

As the Devil groaned, the detective nodded vigorously, his face flush with excitement.  “Yes! It was the best ten hours I ever spent!”

As the burly angel and the Douche rambled endlessly about how boring movies were the epitome of all that was good, the fallen angel considered throwing himself over the balcony.  The idea was very tempting, but his brother would scold him until the end of eternity and Dan would have a heart attack, so he reconsidered. But how in the world had he gotten stuck watching movies that were beyond boring?  Had he somehow fallen into one of Hell’s cells without realizing it? Had Dad snapped his fingers and thrown him in? Lucifer pursed his lips. He wouldn’t put it past the wanker.

Sighing, he pinched the bridge of his nose.  It was going to be a torturously long, _boring_ day.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

“Luci, stop squirming!  You’d think you’d be relaxed after yesterday’s movies....”

Lucifer batted at Amenadiel’s fingers tying his bowtie, then paced around the small church office they had borrowed as a changing room.  “Those movies were _boring!_  Only you and Daniel would think such drivel could be relaxing.”

The burly angel snorted and crossed his arms over his chest.  “I’d say you were relaxed, since you were snoring through the best parts.”

“I beg your pardon! The Devil does not snore!”  Lucifer fiddled with his cufflinks. “I was merely vocalizing my displeasure at Daniel’s poor choice in movies.”

“Right.”  Amenadiel sighed.  “Luci, for crying out loud, when are you going to stop being difficult? It’s your wedding day....”

At those words, all of the anxiety the fallen angel had been trying to hide flooded his insides.  His heart started pounding like a jack hammer, and his forehead broke out into a sweat. Biting his lower lip, he worried it between his teeth before he finally said in a small voice, “What if she doesn’t come?  I texted her a while ago and haven’t heard anything --”

His brother sighed and rolled his eyes.  “Thirty seconds is not ‘a while ago.’ She’s probably already on her way --”

“She should have answered me --”

A snicker erupted from the other side of the room where Maze sat with her feet up on a desk, twirling her knife.  “Maybe she changed her mind.”

“Maze!” the burly angel snapped as Lucifer’s eyes grew round and stricken.

The Devil’s heart tripped over itself and his chest tightened painfully.  He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think --

Amenadiel grabbed the sides of his head and looked deep into his eyes.  “She’s going to be here, Luci. You don’t have to worry.” He shot an angry glance at the demon.  “Don’t you have something better to do?”

She smirked.  “No.”

Taking deep breaths, Lucifer finally felt the dizziness pass.  He scowled at Maze, who had walked in fifteen minutes ago for no apparent reason.  “Why are you here?”

The demon shrugged, but her eyes twinkled wickedly.  “Dan said you were having fainting spells, so I came to watch.”

The fallen angel gritted his teeth.  It was true that he had already suffered two attacks of Dad-induced narcolepsy that morning as they prepared for the ceremony, but did the Douche have to tell Maze about it?  “They are not fainting spells. I merely rest my eyes once in a while.”

She snorted.  “Yeah, right. And my name is Joan of Arc.”

Lucifer’s eyes narrowed.  “Well, _Joan_ , shouldn’t you be changing into your bridesmaid’s gown?”

“Nah, I’m good right here.”  When he took a threatening step toward her, she sheathed her blade and rose to her feet, her lips curled back in a snarl.  “Fine, fine. I can hardly believe that the Lord of Hell is having fainting spells -- it’s ridiculous.”

When the fallen angel took another step and reached for her, Amenadiel held him back with a hand on his chest.  “Easy. You don’t want to mess up your tux, do you?”

As Maze left, her mocking laugh lingering in the room, Lucifer shouted after her, “It’s not fainting! I was _resting my eyes!”_  Turning to his brother, he wrenched away and straightened his vest.  “I was resting my eyes.”

“Sure, Luci.”

Lucifer could tell from Amenadiel’s tone that the angel didn’t believe him, which only caused a horrible pounding behind his eyes.  Pinching the bridge of his nose, he took a deep, steadying breath. “This is all bloody Dad’s fault, giving me bloody narcolepsy --”

“Linda says that it’s all your own anxiety.”  The burly angel helped him into his tuxedo jacket.  “Don’t go blaming Father for this.”

“Hmph.  Of course you would take _his_ side.”

Amenadiel touched his brother on his arm.  “Look, I know you’re nervous about all this, but Father is just trying to help.  You know what a hopeless romantic he is. Don’t forget, he’s doing this all for Chloe.”

The blood drained from Lucifer’s face at the sound of his fiancee’s name, and he bit his lower lip.  “What if... what if she doesn’t come? I wouldn’t blame her.” His hands twisted together as his breathing grew short.  “After all, I _am_ the Devil --”

“She’ll come.  She said she would, right?”

The fallen angel took a deep breath and nodded.  “She did.”

“Then trust her.”  Amenadiel slapped him on the back.  “Now come on. Let’s get you to the altar.”

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

Lucifer checked his watch every five seconds as he waited for Chloe to arrive.  His heart thumped so hard he thought it would jump right out of his chest, and sweat poured off his brow as if he had been running a marathon.  He glanced at the priest, who stood in front of the altar with his Bible clutched to his chest. He stared back at Lucifer with horrified eyes and crossed himself for the seventh time.

“You do remember not to mention Dad, Padre?  The last thing I need is for that sod to be part of my wedding vows.”

His face white, Father Dominic nodded.  His eyes slid over the Devil to land on Dan and Amenadiel standing nearby.  After the angel gave him a wink, the priest relaxed and busied himself with his Bible.

When the strains of “Here Comes The Bride” filled the church, the fallen angel clenched his fists and tried to slow the pounding of his heart.   _She was here -- she had come!_  Taking out his handkerchief from his pocket, he wiped his brow, then jammed it back into his trousers again.  He tried to take a deep breath, but his chest felt tight, and he grew lightheaded.

First Chloe’s little spawn walked down the aisle in a pretty crimson dress, throwing flower petals along the aisle.  Then came Doctor Linda, Ms. Lopez, and Maze, also dressed in crimson dresses. Although the humans were dressed modestly, the demon wore a dress that had a bodice cut far too low and a hem that was far too high, and she had knives tucked in her belt and boots.  Lucifer’s lips curved into a smile. Maze always went everywhere in style!

And then there _she_ was -- Chloe, dressed in the beautiful white gown he’d had shipped overnight from Paris just for her.  She looked like a dream in billowing lace and a long train, her hands hidden by the huge bouquet of peonies and roses.

Lucifer’s heart stuttered, then kicked into overdrive. His legs grew weak and the tightness around his chest increased.  As she stopped beside him and turned, he reached out to lift her veil. His hands shook so hard that he could barely grab a hold of the gossamer fabric.  As he lifted it over her head, revealing her beautiful smile, her shining eyes, and her rosy cheeks, his breath caught in his throat. Swallowing hard, he tried to give her a smile, but he couldn’t seem to make the muscles on his face work.

“I told you I’d be here,” she whispered, her eyes twinkling.

He nodded mutely as a shiver shook his frame.  She was beautiful, she was here, and in just a little while from now, she would be his wife...!  They would be together forever, and he would make love to her and cherish every inch of her body because she was beautiful and his Detective --

Chloe’s brows furrowed as she studied his face.  “Are you okay?”

“I... I’m fine.”  He stumbled over the words as his heart thumped faster.  He couldn’t seem to get his mouth to move properly. The words came out slurred, as if he had been drinking.  Well, he _had_ been drinking, but not enough to affect his angelic constitution.  Clenching his teeth and pulling back his lips, he tried his best to smile.

Perhaps that hadn’t been the right thing to do, for Chloe’s expression grew worried.  “Are... are you hyperventilating?”

It _was_ getting harder to breathe, but he told himself it was just stuffy in the church.  All that bloody incense.... He inhaled, then realized with a start that his lungs were already full.  What was wrong with him? He tried to take another breath, only to find that he couldn’t. What little air he was able to exhale came out as wheezes.  Darkness started to creep around the edges of his vision.

Trying hard not to panic, he managed to say, “Of course not!  The Devil does not hyperventilate!”

 

  


He couldn’t have a narcoleptic episode, he couldn’t rest his eyes, he couldn’t -- not here, not now!  Not with his beautiful Chloe standing right before him! She was the very epitome of his dreams, his heart, his soul, and he’d never let her go.  But why was it getting dark? Did someone turn off the lights? It was noon, wasn’t it? Why couldn’t he breathe? The very image of her was suddenly swimming around him....

And then he was on his back, staring at the ceiling, with Chloe leaning over him, her face full of worry and fear, while Maze’s laughter echoed throughout the church.

Doctor Linda’s face appeared in his field of vision.  “Lucifer, relax. Listen to the sound of my voice. Everything is fine.  Breathe into this paper bag. That’s it, breathe nice and easy. You’re doing great.”

Slowly the tightness around his chest eased, and his lungs started working again.  The haziness in his brain faded, and the roaring in his ears lessened. Once he could breathe normally, he nudged the paper bag away from his face.

“I did not faint.”  His voice sounded thin, reedy.  Was that really him? He cleared his throat and tried again with a little more force.  “I did not faint. The Devil does not faint.”

More snickers from Maze.

“I was merely resting my eyes.”

A smile tugged at Chloe’s lips as she squeezed his hand.  “I know.”

As Linda moved away, Dan took her spot and helped Lucifer to his feet.  “Man, you gotta stop doing that.”

The fallen angel’s legs felt like noodles, but he straightened his spine and locked his knees.  This was the most important day of his life, and he wasn’t going to let Dad’s narcoleptic attacks stop him!  Clutching Chloe’s hand like a lifeline, he lifted his chin and faced everyone. “I’m fine.”

Linda touched his arm, her expression calm as she looked him in the eye.  “Listen to me, Lucifer. You are getting married. Chloe is right here beside you.  Nothing is going to stop this from happening. There’s nothing more to be anxious about, okay?”

His heart swelled at her words.  Glancing at his fiancee and seeing her encouraging smile, he felt the chains of worry finally slip away from his chest.  “Right. Nothing to worry about.” Turning to the priest, he took a deep breath and gave the man a nod. “Right! Let’s get this show on the road, Padre!”

With an accompanying nod, Father Dominic said, “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate one of life’s greatest moments, the joining of two hearts.  In this ceremony today we will witness the joining of Chloe Jane Decker and Lucifer Morningstar in marriage....”

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

Lucifer was relieved that, after that narcoleptic episode at the altar, the rest of the wedding went off without a hitch -- despite Maze snickering throughout it all.  After they were pronounced husband and wife, the newlyweds invited everyone to LUX for the reception. The fallen angel was in high spirits, confident that his weird collapses were over.  After the ceremony, Doctor Linda assured him that the “fainting spells” were a manifestation of his anxiety about not being loved, and now that he had his heart’s desire, they would no longer occur.

At LUX there was an open bar, a catered dinner and cake, speeches made and dancing.  The Douche wanted to run the ten hour long movie “Paint Drying” on the monitors, but Lucifer was able to convince him that it wasn’t a good idea for a wedding reception.  The party continued well past the midnight hour, but somewhere around eight o’clock, when a not-completely sober Dan called an Uber and took Trixie with him for the night, Lucifer stole away with his bride to the penthouse.  Lifting Chloe into his arms, he walked out of the elevator and into their new home... and their new life together.

Setting her on her feet, he caressed her cheek, then kissed her tenderly.  “Hello, Mrs. Morningstar.”

“I like the sound of that.”  She smiled against his lips as she wrapped her arms around his neck.  “Hello, Mr. Morningstar.”

Grinning, he hugged her tightly to him.  She felt so incredibly good in his arms, like she had always belonged there.  How he loved his detective! Never in his wildest imagination did he ever think that he’d find someone who loved him despite what he was.  Chloe was far too good for him -- he knew that -- but he swore he’d make her happy. He’d do everything in his power to be the man that she deserved.

A teasing light came into her eyes as she took his hand and tugged him toward the bedroom.  “I think it’s time you show me some of your bedroom magic.”

Lucifer’s heart skipped a beat, then kicked into overdrive.  He was actually going to have sex with his Chloe! No, that wasn’t right -- he was going to make love to her... and she was going to make love to him.  They would discover everything about each other and it would be beautiful --

But what if he couldn’t satisfy her?  It was absurd, for he was the Devil and an expert in the sex department, but he had never really made love, had he?  It had always been a “let me give you what you desire” encounter. Despite sleeping with thousands upon thousands of people, he had never experienced a joining of hearts and minds. He wasn’t even really sure if he knew what that meant.  His footsteps faltered.

What if she found him lacking?  What if she thought he was a bumbling, clumsy oaf?  What if she thought that the Douche made better love than he did?  He tried to laugh that thought off. Of course he made better love than Daniel -- _everyone_ made better love than Daniel, he was sure of it! But still....

Lucifer’s heart started to pound furiously as a roaring filled his ears.  His breath grew short and his hands went numb. As he stumbled to a stop, he heard Chloe ask him what was wrong, but her voice was small, muffled, as if she spoke to him through a long tunnel.  The tightness around his chest increased, strangling his insides and squeezing out all the air in his lungs, as a wave of dizziness hit him. Chloe’s face spun around him, as if he was on a whirling roller coaster gone mad... and then everything went dark.

When he opened his eyes, he found himself on the floor, staring up at the ceiling, and he cursed.  Why did he keep collapsing? Was Dad trying to keep him from having sex with Chloe?! Tears of frustration burned in his eyes.  He wanted to throw something.

His new wife leaned over him, her face white.  “Are you okay?”

“I don’t understand why this keeps happening.”

She helped him to his feet, then led him to the couch.  After sitting him down, she joined him on the leather cushions.  “Talk to me.”

The fallen angel frowned as he ran his hand through his hair.  “It has to be Dad. He’s thwarting me, trying to make my life miserable.  I’ve been looking forward to this moment for years and now --” He squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his forehead.

Chloe rubbed his back.  “Can you tell me what you were thinking when you lost consciousness?”

Biting his lower lip, Lucifer glanced at her before his eyes fell to the floor.  “I was....”

“Yes?”

“I was....”  He sighed. “Must we talk about this?”

She took both his hands in hers and squeezed.  “Yes, we must. I don’t want to spend our honeymoon with you passed out on the floor.”

He pouted.  “I wasn’t passed out on the floor.  I was just resting my eyes.”

His wife sighed and squeezed his hands again.  “Come on. What were you thinking before you... rested your eyes?”

“I was thinking how happy I was.”  Lucifer shot her a smile, but it slowly slipped from his face as his expression turned grim.  “But then I started worrying....”

When he said nothing more, she prompted, “About what?”

Swallowing hard, he tightened his hands on hers.  “You’ll think me daft.”

“I won’t.”

“You’ll laugh.”

“I won’t.”  Chloe gave him an encouraging smile.  “Come on, tell me.”

“I was afraid that I... I wouldn’t be able to satisfy you.”  When he peeked at her, his heart plummeted to the floor at her look of astonishment.  His insides churned as he twisted his hands from her grip and let out a loud, strained laugh.  “Ridiculous, is it not? Imagine me, the Devil, worried about not being able to....”

His eyes burned and he blinked rapidly, afraid she’d see how much the thought of her laughing at him hurt.  Would she mock him? Call him a fool?

Chloe took him into her arms and hugged him to her.  Lucifer resisted at first, not sure what exactly she was doing, but as she stroked his hair and kissed his temple, he slowly relaxed against her.

“Lucifer, I have the same worry.  What if I don’t satisfy you? I mean, you’ve had tons of lovers --”

Horrified at what she was saying, he tore himself from her embrace.  “Of course you would satisfy me! How could you even suggest such a thing?”  Reaching out, he pulled her close. “You are my heart. My soul. My everything.  I know that you will always satisfy me. Always.”

Leaning back, she placed her hands on his cheeks and tilted his head down so that he was looking straight into her aqua eyes.  “And I feel the same way about you. Don’t ever doubt that, okay?”

He wilted under her gaze.  “But... but I’m the Devil....”

“I told you... you aren’t -- not to me.  I love you, Lucifer Morningstar.” She kissed him then, her lips soft and tender.

Tears sprang to his eyes and he couldn’t stop them.  They poured down his cheeks as he clutched Chloe to him.  Never before had anyone loved him -- _really_ loved him.  They all thought he was a monster, through and through.  Even his own family thought he was evil... the Devil. But Chloe -- sweet, brave, wonderful Chloe -- saw who he was, accepted what he was, and loved him anyway.  His heart grew so full he thought it would burst. Burying his face into the crook of her neck, he wept against her.

“You’re too good for me,” he managed to say after the storm was over.

“No, I’m not.  We’re perfect for each other.  I love you, and I’ll keep saying it until you believe me.”  Smiling, she rose to her feet and held out her hand. After wiping away his tears, Lucifer took it and stood up.

“Do you trust me?”

He nodded.  “With everything that I am.”

“Then trust me now.”  With a soft smile, she began to lead him to the bedroom.  “We’ll take it nice and slow. Soft, gentle, easy, so you don’t get anxious.  It will be beautiful... you’ll see.”

And it was.  They made slow, passionate love all night long, and Lucifer got his heart’s desire... without “resting his eyes” even once.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for being away for such a long time! My muse had run off to parts unknown. I hope she’s back to stay, but you never know. She’s a bit flighty, lol. Thank you all for reading!! I really appreciate your support!
> 
> If any of you are interested in watching the looooong movies Dan and Amenadiel were discussing, you can find them here:  
> [Baa Baa Land](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UygLV4znHw)  
> [Andy Warhol's Empire](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuSIOK5Jj8g)  
> [Washing Machine: The Feature Film](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4yuxV75pT6E)  
> The only one not available on Youtube is Paint Drying by Charlie Lyne, although there are others that are similar. :D


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